A week of mixed feelings

I feel we're having a schizophrenic week. The lows of Mark back in Pinderfields and what should be a high of successfully buying a new house. On almost an hour by hour basis I can feel the satisfaction that we're finally moving on by finding our base to do so and the depression that Marks current problems have set us back. Mark, understandably, is more focused on the set back. The frustration he feels not only with his physical pain, but the real difficulty of dealing with his Consultant who is skeptical that there's anything seriously wrong with him. It's hard enough that you're going through such severe pain, but not having the one person who can do something about it writing you off as having unrealistic expectations is depressing.

Mark started his stay with a very heated discussion with Mr Raza and Mr Raza (in Marks words) threatening to throw him out and have nothing more to do with him. So now that they're at rock bottom in their relationship where do they go from there?? Well it did improve a little with Mr Raza reviewing Marks notes, sending him off for another x-ray of the area that Mark is indicating the pain is coming from and agreeing to sending his notes and scans to the syrinx expert in Birmingham. Mr Raza is still adamant that's not causing the problem, and Mark is now inclined to believe him but he's keen for someone else to look at the problem as a whole and maybe have an alternative view. The x-ray was inconclusive, Mr Raza had a thought that one of the screws in the fixture might be the problem, but none of the scans indicates that. I think the fact that Mr Raza has the spotlight on him by outsiders, has maybe mobilized him to some extent. His behavior still confounds us though, after insisting Mark see a Psychologist he seems reluctant to read her review - is that because really he knows it's not in his head? He is also adamant he doesn't want to speak to the Physios who witnessed and documented one of these attacks while in BRI. It seems collaboration is not a discipline much used in the NHS. Luckily, I use the word not in a positive sense but a practical one, Mark has had one severe onset of this back pain and subsequently spent all yesterday in bed and had a dysreflexia attack during his toileting time. I used the word luckily because we need the professionals at Pinderfields to witness these sudden onsets of severe pain to encourage them to try and get to the bottom of them. Our hopes are that they eventually do just that.

Today I pick up the keys for the new house .... at least getting cracking with some painting and adaptations for Mark gives me something positive to do. On the other hand getting started on anything when Mark is not there to tell me I'm doing it wrong is seriously frustrating him. I'm walking an emotional tightrope and its slowly beginning to sway.

Send positive thoughts to keep the sway under control, she cries!!!

Next week some piccies of new house.