I've been underground for a while, haven't felt like writing or sharing what's been going on to be honest. Three weeks ago I went for a routine breast scan, then thought no more about it. A week later the letter came asking me to go back for another scan and still I didn't really think too much about it, apart from 'oh no more squashing'. So I get there for the second scan, then an altra sound, then to be told they can see calcium deposits but they're not sure if it is just calcium deposits or calcium deposits that are hiding cancer. Great, just great, as if we haven't got enough going on. So I get the lengthy explanation as to what they will do if it is positive, ie cut it out followed by radiotherapy if necessary. While this is going on, I'm just thinking 'who is going to look after Mark while I'm in hospital???  Why does life have to get so complicated, I just want a simple quiet life. Anyway, I'm then sent off for a biopsy, that turned into a 10 needle biopsy and although it was under aesthetic, it was still rather uncomfortable sitting there with one boob squashed to the thickness of teacake for a good 20 minutes while they stabbed me continually. Then for another weeks wait, with a boob black and blue from the squashing a needles, wondering, worrying, can't help thinking the worst considering how our last 18 months have gone. So it was head down, ignore the world and work hard on the house and garden with Mike for the week. Apart from one day I went walking with my friend Elise and was so knackered when I got home I couldn't think of anything. That was a long week and going back to the hospital for the results was stressful. After being led into the little room, offered a seat, silently screaming 'just get on with it for gods sake' she said 'well its all good news today I'm pleased to say' I breathed a huge sigh of relief as you can imagine and didn't really hear another word she said apart from make sure you go to your next 3 year routine check. It seems it's easier to share all the good and bad about Mark, but when it was me, I just wanted to hide away and not take part in the world.

Speaking of Mark, he's about the same, a few days he's out and about, then a day or two in bed. His latest escapade got him locked in on an industrial estate. He was at his friends business and as the afternoon went on his pain levels got out of control and he got back in his car, took some oramorph (oral morphine) and fell asleep. It came time for everyone to go home, so he told them all to go, asking if the gates would be locked, they assured him they wouldn't be, he'll be fine. So he has another snooze, wakes and rings me to tell me he's leaving. I get another phone call 2 mins later saying he's got a problem, he's locked in. It could only happen to Mark!!

We're still waiting to hear from the Birmingham consultant to see if he's willing to operate on Mark.  Meanwhile we're having another battle with the benefits office about Marks benefits and now words with the Council about Council Tax. They're upset because we didn't inform them that we'd moved in, however we had a man round a few days after we got the keys, measuring up to check we were in the right banding. He wrote to us a few days later telling us we were being put in a more expensive banding - thanks for that - so we assumed they knew we were there .... seems it's not that simple cos no-one else in the department has any record of us moving in .... you gotta love public offices!!!!  And the benefits office wants to know where every penny of our money has been spent before they'll change his benefits, I am lost for words as to how anyone cheats the system, we're under such scrutiny it's unbelievable. It's enough to drive you to drugs!

Oh by the way, Mark got out of the industrial estate and made it home eventually.