First Christmas

Early on when Mark was in Pinders we had a visit from a guy that was the resident SIA (Spinal Injuries Association) peer support. I don't remember much of what was said during that first encounter other than that it would take us two years before we felt like we were finally moving on with our lives. That shocked me. Left me stunned while I tried to digest it. Two years!! He then went on to tell us that the coming year would be firsts of everything, first birthdays, first Christmas etc etc. Then the second year its the first anniversary of the first birthday, first Christmas etc etc.

The concept just wouldn't sink in. Thinking about that today its suddenly becoming a reality as we look back on our first Christmas. Christmas morning was peaceful, just the two of us opening our pressies. Dinner was enjoyed with our friends Dave and Chris, but it wasn't without its drama. Dinner was literally just on the table with Mark had a dysreflexia attack. As dinner slowly cooled we had to change yet another blocked catheter. Am convinced now that his catheters know when food is involved as it happens sooo often just before we eat or just after we eat!!! So the concept of two years before we're really moving on is beginning to sink in. In three months time it will be the first anniversary of Marks accident - where did the last nine months go! While we've been stuck in this limbo everyone is getting on with their lives. As we spend days at a time closeted together and not really doing very much because Mark is just not up to it, I feel lonely, invisible, non existent. I want to scream "WHERE HAS OUR LIFE GONE". Amazingly we get through each day doing the best we can, but it isn't easy for either of us.