Dealing with the physical side of paralysis, with it's ups and downs, good days and bad, it's improvements and setbacks, the sheer frustration of coming to terms with the limitations now imposed on your life, learning how to understand your body again with its constant changes and the fears that there might not be any further developments is just one part of our new lives.
Dealing with the emotional is quite another. Grief is the best description of what we're going through and the grieving process can take it's toll. The sudden urge to scream at the world for the injustice surfaces without warning. Tears are often just a look away. For a split second we can wake and forget our previous life has gone forever, we don't know what normal is any more. When a conversation takes your mind back to the life you had, a sadness washes over you with such violence it stops your thoughts so completely you can't seem to jump over it and finish your sentence. It can be quite debilitating.
Each day we try and just face the day ahead as best we can, there's no other way forward, we make plans for the future but some days I don't want to make plans for a different life, I want my old life back. Mark wants his old life back. I'm finding that some days I have to give into these feelings because keeping them locked down is too hard, I'm not so tough after all it seems.
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